Fire Mushrooms Tales


The Fire Mushrooms

by Declan

Back in the day. In fact back before there was a day, before man landed on Mannin and called the Time of Light – “day” and the Time of Shade – “night”, dragons and fairies lived in the Isle of Man.

When the Island belonged to dragons and fairies, it was very different from how it is now. There were no houses, or shops, or banks or pubs; no castles, no wheel at Laxey, and no factorys or offices. And since there was no wanting to go anywhere in a great hurry there were no cars, and since there weren’t any cars there were no roads.

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Although there were no people on the Isle of Man, and no telephones, pneumatic drills or televisions, the Isle of Man was not a quiet place. Dragons and fairies are not the quietest of creatures.

If you had gone to Bradda Glen, you would have heard the most raucous racket. It would have been the sound of a fairy party. Because fairies like to party. They like to listen to ear-splitting Punk and Metal music, ride skateboards, and like to smash stuff up. But most of all fairies like to get drunk on the juice of fire mushrooms.

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Unfortunately, fairies make very bad drunks. A couple of thimble fulls of fire mushroom juice is enough to have a fairy breathing fire and spoiling for a fight. When under the influence, fairies get up to all sorts of mischief – they pull the tails off bunny rabbits and stick them on dandelion stalks. They dig holes in lawns and blame it on moles. They put spiders in people’s beds and loosen children’s teeth so that they can collect them when they fall out and claim the deposit and buy more fire mushroom juice.

Fairies aren’t very nice.

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I know what you are thinking.

You are thinking that I’m wrong.

You think that fairies are sweet innocent creatures that are full of joy and love to help people.

But you are wrong fairies are horrid and mean and spiteful little balls of fury, they’ve fooled you into believing they’re not, because fairies are masters of public relations.

When Eldric Pernfarther first arrived on the Isle of Man, he was the first human being to visit the Island. All the fairies put on their prettiest frocks and their most beautiful wings and went to greet him.

The fairies made Eldric believe that they were cute, harmless creatures and he believed everything they told him about the Island and most importantly he believed what they told him about the dragons.


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Dragons were harmless docile creatures, who lived in the caves on Bradda Head and spent 23 hours a day asleep. For the remaining hour they went in search of food. Dragons were particularly fastidious eaters and the only food they could eat was fire mushrooms. Fire mushrooms did not have the same effect on dragons as they do on fairies.

The fire mushrooms had the same effect on dragons as cheese does on humans. A dragon would eat some mushrooms and then go to sleep and have fantabulous, crazy dreams about rescuing damsels in distress from armoured knights.

But fire mushrooms were in short supply on the small Island, and with the fairies increasing addiction to their juice, conflict between the two was inevitable.

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Edric Pernfather came to the Island because, he was planning to set up home there. He had fallen out with the king of his homeland, over the excessive amounts of tax he was required to pay, so he had decided to set up home somewhere where he didn’t have to pay any tax to anyone. He was captivated by the beauty of the Island and decided that this offshore realm would be ideal.

The only problem he foresaw, after talking to the fairies, was the dragons. The fairies made him believe, the docile creatures, were evil fire breathing rapscallions who would wreck his plans.

That first night Edric took a band of his men, up to the Bradda Head caves and slaughter the dragons whilst they dreamt of heroic acts.

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Today you can scout the Island from Ayre to the Sound but not find a dragon, but at night if you listen very carefully in the Silverdale or Groudle Glens you can still hear the distant sound of electric guitars, fighting and drunken carousing, and you’ll know that there are still fairies amongst us. I advise you to give them a wide birth.

And if you travel between Castletown and Douglas, be sure to say hello to the little people or they’ll come and get you.

THE END


Steven the Dragon & the Fire Mushrooms

by Ritchie


Long, long ago, before even Vader was born, hidden behind a cloak of mist, there was an Island. It was a very curious Island populated with many strange creatures and plants. However, the most peculiar thing about this Island, was that although no human had ever set foot on it, the Island was called the Isle of Man.

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Now living at the foot of Snaefell Mountain, in what we now call Laxey were a family of fairies. All the fairies were had beautiful names like Moon or Sugar Bee or Sunny Days. But the Fairy Queen had the most beautiful name of all. Her name was Ariel.

The fairies were very happy. They spent their days playing word games with their pixie friend Kumquat; chitter-chattering away about nothing substantial, whilst eating their favourite Fire Mushroom biscuits. In fact they were very lucky because their life was almost idyllic. Almost, because of one inconvenient annoyance.

Living on top of the Mountain was a flame breathing dragon named Steven. When he had been only a young dragon, Steven was a very mischievous and naughty youngster. He wouldn't listen to his teachers, and now he was all grown up, Steven couldn't read and write very well, his spelling was atrocious and he had never mastered the USE OF CAPITAL LETTERS or exclamation marks!!!!!!!!!!!!

Steven was a very disagreeable dragon and he was always getting into arguments with the other creatures of the Island.

One time he had quarreled so badly with his fellow dragons, that he was banished from their homes in the cliffs that surrounded what is now Douglas Bay.

Steven may not have paid much attention to his lessons on writing or to his teachers at the Dragon Charm School, but there had been on subject at which Steven took an interest -Biology.

In fact so great was his interest in this subject he briefly went to Dragonbridge University to study Biology, but he quarreled with his lecturers and was thrown out for not being able to spell.

But Steven had learnt two things from his studies, and that was if the fire in his belly went out he would die, and to keep his belly fire burning he had to stoke it with Fire Mushrooms.

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Steven the lonely dragon had a problem, he needed fire mushrooms to fuel the fire in his belly and keep himself alive. But, because he had quarrelled with the Dragon King, Ans, and had been banished from the tribe. And Ans didn't bare grudges lightly, he refused Steven access to his stash of Fire Mushrooms.

So Steven looked around the Island and found that the only Mushrooms that Ans did not control were the ones that Ariel and her fairy friends used to make biscuits.

Now Steven was not as unreasonable as he first appeared, and he decided to write a letter to Ariel asking for a share of the Mushrooms. Here is what the letter said...

"Deer Oriel

My name are Steven. I is a dragon and I lives at Snafel Mountin.

Ans is very bad dragon indeed. And he hates me and all the dragons hate me and wont let me eat there Fire Mushyrooms.

If I dont eat Mushyrooms I die. give me some of yours and i WILL NOT DIE AND I WILL HELP YOU - i can lift things that are heave and I CAN PROTECT YOU FORM BAD FINGS!!!!!!!!

Yours sincly

Steven the Draggon."
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When Ariel read Steven's letter, she let out a little sing-song tinkling laugh and said "Oh dear sweet Kumquat and his lighthearted word game associated japes, I do so enjoy his humour." And she wrote the following letter in reply.

Dear "Steven"

How very nice to get your amusing letter, I am sorry that I cannot let you have any of our Fire Mushrooms because we need them all to cook our biscuits on.

You are, of course, always welcome to drop in for a game of Scrabble and a Biscuit or two.

Yours affectionately


Ariel"

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When Steven received Ariel's letter he was incandescent with rage. He spat fire and set a small gorse bush on fire.

He took an enormous run-up and took to the air and swooped down on the fairy village. And began to bellow, "WHY DO YOU HATE ME!!!!! CAN'T YOU SEE I'M TRYING TO HELP YOU!!!!!!"

He then let out an gigantic ear-spitting roar, which sent the tea cups that Sugar Bee had laid out for the fairies' elevenses treat rattling in their saucers. Steven, was obviously unable to control himself and he let out another roar, which this time released a jet of flame, so hot that poor Moon's delicate glittery wings were singed, and the poor thing was sent falling through the air and landing on a cowslip.

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Now Ariel was made of sterner stuff than her sparkley beauty suggested. And she knew some powerful magic.

Steven had to be stopped, he had to be banished from the Fairy Domain forever, but how was Ariel to do that? Her magic was powerful, but not powerful enough to banish a dragon.

Luckily, Ariel was full of guile and cunning and she realised that the fire mushrooms were the reason that Steven was terrorising her community, so she consulted the Fairy's Book of Spells, whipped out her magic wand and turned all the Fire Mushrooms into Cushags.

And that is why every garden, hedgerow, and meadow now boasts the distinctive white flower of the Cushag but you can search the Island from the Point to the Sound and you'll never spot a Fire Mushroom, or a Dragon.

The End