I'll call the club to order,
You’re the guest of honour,
I’m sorry the meeting isn’t livelier,
But this is the Club of the Desperate Survivor,
We’re the beaten, the vanquished and lambasted,
The maudlin, the morose and the miserable bastards,
We are a crushed and broken losers crew,
The club for men broken hearted by you.
There stands Peter stiff like a mast,
He’s been happily married fifteen years past,
Flicks a lit cigarette into a passing convertible,
Hoping for upholstery inflammable,
To smoulder, then burn – like his heart,
When you jumped in that Porsche and tore him apart.
So roll up …
The hang-nail biters,
Love’s bottom feeders,
Murmuring mumblers,
And shambling stumblers,
Welcome rambling confusers,
Life’s love-lorn losers,
Frantic chain-smokers,
Nervous drunks and tokers,
We’ve come from near and far,
Come and join us you’ve made us what we are.
From all over America tonight,
We’re joined direct by satellite,
By men you put through the ringer
During your time as a Cabaret singer,
Remnants from many a one night stand,
With the boys in the band.
I’ll call the club to order,
You’re the guest of honour,
I’m sorry the meeting isn’t livelier,
But this is the Club of the Desperate Survivor,
We’re the beaten, the vanquished and lambasted,
The maudlin, the morose and the miserable bastards,
We are a crushed and broken losers crew,
The club for men broken hearted by you.
I am the chairman – Member number 1,
The first of the men who’ve come and gone,
Your first lover, victim and fool,
The night you dumped me after school,
I began to bring together,
All those who love you once and forever.
So I call thisclub to order,
You’re the guest of honour,
I’m sorry the meeting isn’t livelier,
But this is the Club of the Desperate Survivor,
We’re the beaten, the vanquished and lambasted,
The maudlin, the morose and the miserable bastards,
We are a crushed and broken losers crew,
The club for men broken hearted by you.
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© Declan 2004